Our school is taking part in the Prevention of Inadequate Parenting (PIPs) Programme*. Tick one answer for each question:
1. How often do your parents read books to you?
(a) Every day
(b) Three or more times a week
(c) What do you mean “read books to you”?
2. You were absent from school on the Friday before half term. Were you …?
(a) Sick in bed, like your mum claimed
(b) Enjoying the first day of a cheap holiday in Spain
3. How often do your parents feed you junk food? (NB: this includes all visits to fast food outlets, and any dinner that includes chips.)
(b) Once a week
(c) Up to three times a week
(d) Every day and sometimes I get a large coke as well
4. How do your parents help you with your homework?
(a) They do most of it for me. Remember that fantastic model of a castle where you gave me 5 house points? Err …
(b) They make me do it myself. This is so not fair.
(c) What homework?
5. If your parents knew you were completing this questionnaire, would they …?
(a) Tell you to fill it out honestly
(b) Not really care
(c) Tell you to tear it up
6. How often do your parents swear in front of you?
(c) What ******* business is it of yours?
*NB: This blog is a spoof, but this questionnaire is real.