Unsurprisingly perhaps, when Sophie came home from school after being taught to use fronted adverbials, she started to put them everywhere. Amazingly enough, her writing didn’t get any better. Before long, in fact, it began to get worse. A few days later, she was introduced to semi colons; unhappily, this seemed to compound the problem. As quickly as she could, Sophie incorporated this new punctuation mark into her writing; as you might have anticipated, though, she began to put semi-colons in places where they didn’t really belong. Just a little bit later on, Sophie’s class learned about alternatives to the word ‘said’; unfortunately, Sophie decided to incorporate these into her speaking as well as her writing. Before long, Sophie was mumbling annoyingly, shouting callously and screaming bitterly; all night long, she would whisper threateningly into her pillow. Not long after, Sophie’s teacher told her that descriptions worked best if you used the ‘power of three’; from now on, Sophie could not just be happy, she had to be completely, extraordinarily, amazingly happy with her great, fantastic, perfect life.
That weekend, Sophie stroked her pure white, snowy, velvety smooth kitten as a wet, salty, bitter tear of disappointment dripped down her face; “Unsurprisingly perhaps,” Sophie muttered unhappily to herself, “I don’t really enjoy writing anymore.”